Lost
by Yumscrish
Summary: Edward Left Again! Bella Never Jumped Off The Cliff! B&E. B
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1 – Lonely Day

I woke early Monday morning with the sense of the dull clouds outside pressing in on me. But this did not depress me, if anything it made me much happier. Knowing Edward had no excuse not to come to school today I jumped out of bed looking over to the rocking chair in the corner expectantly. My face fell. Where was Edward?

I looked all around me just in case I had missed him due to jumping out of bed so quickly. He was no where to be seen. Slightly worried but not yet losing faith in my angel I looked out the window in which he had so many a time come through just to see me.

Still, I couldn't find him. My breathing erratic, I basically flew down the stairs into the kitchen – he had to be here, but being the complete klutz I am, I tripped and lay sprawled on the lino on the kitchen floor. I hit my head pretty bad and was slightly dazed for a few moments.

But one thing was so sure, Edward wasn't here. If he had been anywhere near me or anywhere in the house for that matter he would have caught me before I hit the floor. I felt the beginnings of hurt and anger… Where was he? How could he be inconsiderate? This wasn't like him at all!

Maybe he just went home to change or something, we had a pretty big day yesterday, I smiled to myself as I remembered the previous day. He insisted that as an anniversary for the first day we met as Forks High (even though on that first day he wanted so desperately to kill me the moment he first caught whiff of my scent) that we do something special.

He ended up taking me to the meadow in which we had our first date and in which where we first declared ourselves to each other.

It had been even more beautiful than I remembered. The wild flowers were in full bloom and the leafy green forest that I had grown to love and associate with protection blossomed around me, intertwining its vines and leaves with the other plants. It made me think of myself and Edward. I had smiled to myself when I saw it which caused him to ask me what I thought was so amusing 'Oh, nothing – it's just so green.' I had answered and his reply was to making his bell-like musical laugh sound all around me making me practically glow with warmth.

Feeling slightly happier I went upstairs to take a shower. I would just see him at school I thought to myself. I can fend for myself for an hour or two.

I let my thoughts wonder all over the place as I stood under the steaming shower, letting the water cloud my sensed and calm my pulse. When I rinsed my hair from he strawberry scented shampoo, I noticed a pink smear in the water.

Utterly perplexed I watched the pink becoming more dark and thicker. The pink became red and then I realized it was my blood! I had hit my head of the corner of the cabinet when I fell down the stairs and probably split my head open. Immediately I felt my stomach clench and instantly felt dizzy.

That was the last thing I remembered when I passed out.

When I came back to my senses, it took me a while to remember where I was and then a further few moments to realize why I was sleeping in the bloody shower.

Instinctively I raised my hand and felt the back of my head. It wasn't bleeding anymore thank god, but I wondered what time it was. How long was I out? I climbed out of the shower gingerly trying not to slip. I dried myself much more slowly than usual and studied myself in the mirror. I looked a bit dazed and confused, oh well.

I walked carefully to my room not wanting to fall again, my head _really _hurt! I looked across at the alarm clock on my bedside table – 10:01am, oh shit. Well I guess I'll be late today. I was surprised by the fact that Edward hadn't come to check on me. I hadn't turned up for school and he hadn't even tried to contact me. Not even a phone call! But now that I think about it, if he had called I would have been unconscious and unable to hear it. 'He'll probably of just come about during break' I convinced myself.

It was still cloudy but even while inside it was still muggy and hot. I pulled on my tight dark denim jeans and a brown three-quarter sleeved shirt that came off my shoulders. My hair was knotted from the way I had been lying in the shower so I just pulled it up into a high pony. No make-up as usual, but I pulled on my tennis shoes and bounded out the door, filled with a strange new energy caused by the thought of seeing Edward again. I missed him a lot already.

I pulled into the office car park at 10:20am. I walked into the office to see the kindly old receptionist standing there smiling warmly at me.

'Hello dear,' she beamed 'slept in did we? Not a problem and quite understandable. Just sign here and off you go'

'Thank you' I muttered shyly. I was glad she told me what to do; I had no idea, never being late before.

I collected my schedule of the desk and saw I had advanced chemistry. Excited, I set off knowing I would be with Edward (we had purposely picked all the same subjects). I opened the door and swept the room searching for the only face I wanted to see, he wasn't there. I stood frozen in the door way for almost a full minute checking and re-checking the room. Finally the teacher seemed to notice me staring around like and idiot and called me forward so I could present my late slip.

There was an empty desk at the back and in front of that was another single empty seat next to Mike Newton. I started for the empty table but Mike waved me to his seat. I hesitated knowing how much Edward loathed Mike but I was feeling a little depressed and didn't much feel like sitting by myself. So I reluctantly set my books down and took my seat. Zoning out for the remainder of the double period.

When I entered the cafeteria my eyes instantly swept for the source of inhuman beauty. I gasped as I saw their table was completely empty. I began to feel faint and as though he were watching my reaction Mike turned to me,

'Hey where was _Cullen _today anyway?' he said it with as much resentment as possible.

'I dunno,' I answered truthfully. 'Maybe he was sick' I shrugged but not feeling it entirely. I suddenly felt empty.

'Then why isn't the rest of them here? They can't all be sick' he said slyly

I realized I should change the subject before I got them into trouble. 'Hmm, I dunno they must have gone camping earlier' I lied convincingly. I batted my eyelashes as I spoke.

'Oh ok then,' he said completely dazed. 'hey, I'll buy you lunch and you cant sit with us today?' he looked hopeful.

'Er... I dunno Mike, I kinda just wanna think about some stuff actually' I started

'No, you can sit with us, we all miss you! You haven't sat with us for ages' he finished somewhat lamely.

So I had no option but to be steered to the old familiar table, everyone looking happy and excited (All except for Lauren of course). Despite my sudden depression, I smiled at the look on her face and forgot about my loneliness for a while.

Surprisingly, I continued the rest of the day in the same high spirits. Hell, I missed Edward so much it almost killed me, but I got a sudden rush of energy from spending time with my new friends. Mike was right; I hadn't sat with them in ages. Even when the Cullen's were away due to the weather, I usually still sat at the Cullen's table by myself feeling lonely and depressed refusing to speak to anyone. Now that I thought about it, I seemed quite sad. But even so, I couldn't wait till I got away from my friends and into the arms of my angel.

Gym was my last subject. Without needing to say I fell down a lot and unfortunately Mike, who seemed to be even more dazed by my presence than usual kept insisting on picking me up every time even though I was quite capable myself.

When school finished I jumped into my truck and drove straight to the Cullen's house without even bothering to go home first. While driving along the road flanked by wild forest on each side, I began to worry. Now that I was away from my friends at school (even the wretched Mike Newton) my high spirits were failing and I began to get scared. The Cullen's had never been away from school when the weather was ok. Hell, it was no where _near_ sunny!


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 – Never and Forever

I turned down the inconspicuous dirt path that I had so many a time driven down. But not without Edward. I realized with a sharp pang that my mind mentally flinched when I said his name; but not out of hatred of fear, out of worry and love.

My mind started to panic and my heart beat raced as I turned to face his beautiful house. Something about the way the Cullen's cars were parked made me uneasy. It looked as if they were in an extreme rush to get inside the house. The perfect manicured grass was covered in heavy skid marks and the cars were parked all crookedly in front of the house. Not around the side where they normally parked. I followed the strange parking style as a new emotion swept over me – panic.

I ran into the house as fast as I could, tripping on the porch and catching myself with my hands before I landed flat on my face. I pushed my way through the door, surprised that it was unlocked and open a fraction.

I entered the light and open living room when all the breath seemed to vanish from my lungs. Suddenly it didn't seem so light and open. In unison all the Cullen's turned to face me, though only Edward didn't look surprised to see me there. Jasper was on the couch flanked my Emmet who looked as though he was guarding Jasper. I couldn't image why, but as soon as they turned to look at me, Emmet feinted slightly to the left standing directly between me and Jasper as though I were to attack him.

I couldn't imagine what would cause such behavior and so I turned to Edward looking for an explanation. But for all that I expected, what came next was sadly disappointing and extremely hurtful.

'Bella,' he said 'You need to leave – now.'

I stared at him in shock and outrage. Feeling the heat rush to my face and angry tears form I said or rather _shouted_ at him.

'Excuse me! What do you mean I need to leave?' I blurted out, obviously hurt and shocked by his cruel words. 'I came to see you to make sure you are ok and the first thing you say to me is to get out!' my voice cracked and he looked taken aback by how much he had just hurt me.

'Bella, I'll explain everything, just not now. Just trust me on this, it's not safe here anymore and you need to get out of here before you get hurt.' He said this all in one breath.

If anything I wasn't expecting that. I stammered for a few moments not even planning to say anything, but then I turned numbly and stalked out of the house in a rage.

I drove back to my house angrily and extremely fast, and that was saying something as I had always hated Edward's maniac driving. After muttering something about needing an early night to Charlie I walked upstairs to my bedroom without having anything to eat. I just wasn't in the mood. I didn't even feel that hungry.

I grabbed my bathroom bag and walked slowly and sadly to the bathroom. The usual happiness and childishness that normally filled me when I went to have 'a human minute' was completely absent. How in the name of God could he be so insensitive? I hadn't seen him all day. He hadn't even left me so much as a note or called or anything, so when I take matters into my own hands and do something about it, he treats my like an annoying dog that wont go away.

The injustice of it all welled up inside me. I just felt so angry. I decided to have a bath tonight – something I hadn't done in a long time; but the thought of having to support myself under the steaming water of the shower was too much to handle. I felt oddly drained and lethargy seemed to control my mind as well as my body.

I turned on the taps adjusting them a bit until I was happy with the temperature. I grabbed my favorite bubble bath mixture – freesia scented. It had been an inside joke. I was shopping with Edward and Alice and he started laughing like a manic in the store when he saw it. He said that if I didn't buy it for myself he would. I stopped thinking of Edward. I was making me feel depressed.

The bath was almost full. I turned the taps off in shock. I had no idea I had been sitting there on the side of the tub in a complete daze for that long. I stripped off slowly and slid into the water. It felt good. Not the usual ice cold embrace I had come to associate with Edward but a still appealing warm feel. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander, only consciously aware of the time and the coldness of the water. After what seemed like hours, came a voice, a beautiful echoey and musical voice. My angel.

'Bella?' he spoke softly, his voice full of grief and regret

Without thinking I jumped out of the bath and of course slipping thanks to the soapy water. Edward knew me too well. He caught and steadied me and despite the grave look he carried, he allowed himself a quick smirk but quickly stopped and looked disgusted at himself as though it were an inappropriate time to be smiling.

'Bella,' he repeated

'Yes?' I breathed. His smell as intoxicating as ever.

'Bella.' He repeated more firmly. I stared at him.

'Why are you so crabby today?' I asked, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself.

He took a deep breathe before answering. _Not good_ I thought. He stuttered and then couldn't continue. I started to panic now, and I was determined to make sure that what I was expecting wouldn't happen.

'What, damn it!' I cried. A little more loudly than I thought, but right now I couldn't give a damn if the whole world heard me. My grief was over whelming me, and he hadn't even given me a proper answer yet.

'I'm so sorry, my love' He whispered pulling me close. He continued to speak into my hair. I had the strange feeling that he couldn't bare to meet my eyes. 'I love you more than life itself, and I always will.'

I pulled back angrily, regardless of the way he turned to unresponsive stone due to my sudden quick moment but I didn't care.

'What are you talking about?' I screamed, the hysteria rising in my voice. 'What's going on Edward? Why are you talking like this?' I knew what was coming now. I could tell by the dead look on his face. I hadn't missed that he still refused to look me in the eyes.

'I have to leave.' Now he wouldn't look anywhere. He closed his eyes. And I could hear the pain in his voice and the tremble in his chest as he struggled to breathe. 'I'm so sorry. I have no choice… I have no say…'

I'd only ever seen him struggle once with words. When he was declaring himself to me. I realized I wasn't breathing. But for once it wasn't from his presence. It was from the pain creeping through my body, running through my veins and spilling it into my heart.

And then I _did_ breathe. And breathe I did. At first it came in sharp gasps. Then my breathing became hyperventilation. Tears spilled from my eyes as I grabbed his face between my hands and forced him too look at me. 'No' I gasped. 'Don't leave me'

He looked at me sadly and then started to sob. Dry tearless sobs but he was clearly filled with extreme agony. I sobbed uncontrollably as he held me to him tight. He began to talk again with much pain.

'It was Jasper, he was missing all day. We started looking for him but we were too late….' He trailed off with the same dead look that had graced his face when I found out what happened to the girls which blood Emmet had been extremely attracted to. Like Edward to my scent.

But I didn't care. I didn't care who Jasper had killed. All that worried me was that fact that because of Jasper's lack of self control, I was losing the one thing that kept me going, that meant the world to me. Fuck Jasper and his prey.

'Bella, it was Lauren.' He whispered grimly.

Though nothing compared to my breaking heart, the shock that suddenly ran through my senses was enough to shock me out of my hateful feelings towards Jasper.

I had never agreed with Lauren. She had hated me since my first day at Forks High because she was jealous. But now I felt extremely guilty for smiling at her angry and frustrated face today during break.

My shock quickly subsided because of my hurt and extreme heart break. I wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer to me. I sobbed into his shoulder as he cried into my hair. My breath caught in my throat and my legs turned to jelly. He picked me up in his arms easily and carried me into my room.

My heart was ripping in two. How could he? My angel, my beautiful angel leave me? I was mad.

I turned up to look at him, my eyes furious. 'Don't you dare leave me Edward Cullen, I love you too much'

He looked at me sadly and said with pain etched into every syllable. 'I love you Isabella Swan. Always and Forever, and I will never forget you, until the end of time you are my one and only.' And then he was gone.

It slowly swept through me. He had left me. After everything, he left me. I stood up and ran to my still open window and threw my head outside. 'Edward!' I cried 'Edward you come back to me right now!' Silence.

I would never forgive him. Never. I loved him. Forever.

I dropped to my knees and screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3 – Only Forever

I don't remember how I ended up in bed. I don't remember how I got changed into pajamas. I didn't remember who I was. Charlie had gone on a fishing trip. But only reluctantly, he still didn't know why I had lurched into a major depressive state but it still made him hesitant to leave. I told him it was ok and two weeks alone would probably good more me. He seemed to be satisfied but still called nearly every day.

It had been three days now since _he_ left me. I can't even speak his name inside my head, I reflected sadly. Now every morning I woke up in the same confused state. I cried myself to sleep every night and hadn't been going to school. A couple of people had called from school but I made up some excuse to get me off the phone to them.

I was lost; Lost without my angel, and vulnerable. I hated him for leaving me. I detested him so much yet my heart still yearned to be with him. To be locked in his tight and protective embrace. _Stop it Bella!_ I told myself. I couldn't be at his feet like this for the rest of my life.

Then it hit me. All of a sudden it all came crashing down on my world. _Anger_. It gave me energy, the energy to keep on going. To throw it back in his face. I loved him and I will always love him but I will be strong and right now my head and thoughts were strong with anger.

I hated him. I hated him more than anything. He broke my heart and now thanks to him my heart will be filled with hurt and hate till the day I die.

I turned my head to look at the clock. It was 12:46pm. No wonder. It was lunch time. I probably woke up because I was so hungry. I turned to get out of bed and then did a double take.

In front of my alarm clock was and folded note and a single long stemmed red rose.

Fingers trembling, I picked up the note. I stopped breathing as I recognized the elegant script. The note read:

You are my one and only, forever. Be safe. Goodbye.

Hatred rose up inside me as I had never felt before in my life. The nerve of him! He was here and didn't even wake me or speak to me or see me.

'Bastard!' I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I grabbed the rose by the petals and crushed them into a pulp, the red juices running down my hand like blood. I carried it to the window and threw it out with all my might. Fuck him and his roses.

My blood was still boiling and then misery became apparent. Before I knew it I was screaming as loudly as I had the night he left. Tears ran down my face and fell thick and fast to the floor. I grabbed my clock and flung it across the room. It broke into a hundred pieces of metal.

But that wasn't enough I grabbed my lamp too, ripping the plug out of the walling and flinging that too. It hit the ceiling to my right and pieces of delicate chine rained down on me. A shard of glass fell against my neck leaving a deep cut. Blood splattered my pajama top. I ripped it off angrily leaving me in my pajama bottoms and a singlet top with spaghetti straps.

It got caught on my arm as I tried to rip it off which just angered me further. I yelled in frustration and stormed out of the house. At first I stood in the background and spun in a circle not sure on where to go. My eyes rested on the forest.

I would do exactly what he wanted me not to. I hated him and all the promises that involved the two of us. Without thinking about it, I sucked in an angry breath and plunged head first into the overgrowth of that creepy forest.

I wasn't sure how long I ran for. I didn't know. I didn't care. I tripped over many times. But then I stumbled and smacked my neck of a tree root. I cried out in pain and anguish. It was his fault I was in here. His fault I was sprawled at the roots of a tree with a gash in the side of my neck.

I gasped, the cut had started to bleed profusely due to the fact I had just wacked it. I tried to stop the bleeding but it was extremely deep and long. The blood was pouring out soaking my shoulder and my hand and I tried to hold it.

Suddenly a sound filled the air. The sound so familiar yet terrifying; a snarl. And then a deep bass growling. That's when I saw them. Two male vampires emerged from the undergrowth, a hungry look in their eyes.

They were beautiful of course but their beauty did not stop me from reacting. I turn tailed and ran as fast as I could, plunging further into the dark shadows of the forest.

Whether it was because I surprised them or whether it was because they were weak from the hunger, I was able to run from them. I ran faster than I ever had. Stumbling many times but not falling. But I knew my luck was about to run out.

I stopped dead in my tracks. They had chased me to the edge of a cliff. I looked over the edge. It had to be well over 100m high. I had no chance. I was going to die, here in this stupid green forest without ever seeing my angels face again.

Suddenly an unearthly sound seemed to fill the forest. It sounded like music. Beautiful, peaceful, flowing music. It was a woman singing. Her high soprano voice echoing. Every musical note seemed to hang in the very air. It was the voice of an angel. Not my angel, but the music was calming none-the-less and it seemed to speak to me. Some how it told me I was safe.

Then to my great surprise, the male vampires backed away slowly, before turning right around and then they were gone with in another second.

I collapsed to me knees in a shocked state. I couldn't believe I had so narrowly evaded death without Edward. Again, it hurt me to say his name.

I turned to face the edge of the cliff, still sitting. The beautiful singing continued, calming and filling me with new hope. This wasn't so bad, sitting in a beautiful green forest, looking over the cliff into an even more beautiful valley and feeling the lovely sound fill me up with warmth and courage – the courage to keep on going.

How long I sat there, I didn't know. I watched the sun begin to set, its beautiful golden rays throwing lines of gold and butterscotch across the canopy of trees. The thought of Edward's butterscotch eyes burned a hole through my heart; tears streaked down my face and I realized with a sharp pang that the soothing music had disappeared some time ago, and now, away from its presence, I was able to slip back into my heavy depression. The slow cold waves of misery washed over me and I realized I could not be without Edward. Try as I might, I knew I wasn't fooling myself let alone anybody else.

I curled into a ball on the edge of the cliff, rocking back and forth sobbing uncontrollably.

'How could you leave me!' I screamed with all my might. 'I loved you more than anything!'

I was screaming from the sheer misery of it. I didn't want to exist without him. I _needed_ him in my life. I hated him more than I ever thought were possible.

Still sobbing and screaming, I stood up in a daze.

I glanced quickly over my shoulder before I threw myself off the cliff.


End file.
